11.26.2008

Half and Half

As we venture towards the end of 2008, I can only sum it up by saying it was half good and half bad. Maybe it's just my perspective but it seems that after Michael died in May, everything went downhill after that.

The first half of 2008 kicked off with me and Michael being engaged and having a great time in Las Vegas with my family for the New Year. Michael was enjoying CW Post and got his first internship. We had half of a wedding planned, things were good. Everyone was happy, things made sense and were clear; the future didn't look so foggy.

In May, Michael left this Earth suddenly and it tore out the heart of many. Following that we learned that the wife of one of my dad's colleagues passed away to cancer. After that, a long-time member of my church in New York passed away. He was such a staple in the church and the everyone had personal emotions tied into his death. My uncle was diagnosed with a tumor near his throat and once that was removed, is now undergoing more treatment. Then this morning, I got news that Michael's grandfather (Sonny's father) passed away. Just in time for Thanskgiving. After the Eckhoff's lost Michael right before Memorial Day and now this. There just aren't any words.

Again, I feel upset because I'm not there for them. I knew Mike's grandfather, maybe not too well, but definitely enough to want to be there for the family. Maybe I just feel guilty because things seems to be going better for me than them. I don't know how to feel, I just feel empty and wondering why God plans things to happen like this. So close together. Within 6 months, 4 people that I've known have passed away.

However, I have to look at the flipside. I have to trust that they are in a better place and even though we all hurt on Earth here, they are doing much better in heaven. Although I'd like to deny that it was Michael's time to leave, I suppose I would not have wanted him to suffer with knowing he had a brain tumor that could kill him. I know that Mrs. Grazal was going through a long battle with cancer - that's never fun. We all know that getting old and having health problems is never a good thing either.

I'm emotional for other reasons, just so much has happened in a short period of time. What do I think? What do I feel? How are the holidays really going to be? I'm famous for thinking too much and I'm doing it again. The myriad of events that have happened in the past year astound me from the happy moments - engagements, weddings, I quit smoking (yes, for those that didn't know and those that weren't sure, I admit, I was a smoker for a few years) and the like to the scary moments - tumors, car accidents, surgeries, to the sad moments - deaths and just ordinary life - Laura has a new car and a house, Chris has a puppy, cousin Dave is moving to Wisconsin, I moved to Louisiana and have a puppy, etc.

So what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? I thank God for best friends, for family, for His mercy and for helping me to keep on going. Please keep Michael's family in your thoughts. If you want information to send cards or flowers, please email me.

Gobble. Gobble.

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