5.20.2009

This Past Year I've Learned...

It doesn't get easier but you learn how to cope and how to make the most of it. I've learned to dwell on the happy memories and not the what ifs, could'ves, would'ves, and should'ves. I've learned that I am stronger than I could have possibly imagined. I've realized that without him, I can go on. My life has changed and I still miss him but I know I can let go. I don't expect everyone to understand the change I've made in my life in the past year but I am content and my heart is happy.

I still go through moments where I realize, "wow, last year at this time, you were looking forward to so many things." I thought that because I was happy that everything was just going to just continue going as planned; that I was on the right path but it turns out God had something entirely different planned for me and it's hard to accept that which you cannot see. That's where faith comes in handy.

There were lots of stresses in New York for me. I cannot disclose them here but my closest friends all know what I am talking about. Louisiana has provided me a place to unwind, to think, and to do what I want, feel how I want... for that I am grateful. I still miss New York, certain parts of it, namely my closest friends and the beach but I see living in New York as a different chapter in my life and this past year I've been transitioning to a new one. Not a new life, just a new chapter. (I wish they had Italian ice here though...)

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of Michael's place in heaven. It's the day life changed for many people including myself. Although I won't be there personally to say hello, I know he's there, watching me and everyone he loves. No pain, no hardship, no suffering. Tomorrow I'll be changing my profiles to something new. My mark of moving on; of letting go of everything that is still there holding me back. It won't be easy but I know it's necessary.

I just want to extend thanks to everyone who has helped me along the way this past year. Weather you know it or not, you've contributed to my healing and helped me along. It goes without saying My Family is number one. If I listed all their names... this post would never be finished. My friends from New York who I don't talk to that often but know they are always there and always thinking of me: Kelly, Frankie, Annemarie (I don't care that you've moved... you're still a "NY" friend) and Annemarie's family (Mommy and Breanna!), Tara, Betty, Carolyn and Lou, Melissa, Harris, Nathan, Izzzzzy, Ruben, Carol, Sarah... if I've missed you I'm sorry but those are the ones that sprung to mind from the top of my head.

To all my Lafayette/Houston friends... thank you too! Whether you knew about my circumstances upon moving or not, you've all made the transition easy and enjoyable. You may not know it but you've all helped quite a bit... Kristopher and his mother, Leah, Blake, Scott, Jon & Erika (and Sake!), Brian and Beka, the guys from CiCi's (the chatroom! ha ha), Kayla... I probably missed more people but that just means I'm blessed to know so many.


*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><* Gone but never forgotten and always in our hearts.
We were two to become one but instead are apart.
Although it hurts that you're not here with me,
I know that in heaven you're as happy as can be.
Your smile, your laughter and loving touch,
are the three things I miss so much.
Though it may seem cruel and harsh I know,
I think it's time I start to let you go.
While I wish we could still be together,
I know our memories will be with me forever.


Michael R. Eckhoff
6/2/80-5/21/08


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1 comment:

  1. XoXo, Michelle.
    I told Laura to give you a big hug for me.

    ReplyDelete

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