Moved and Wedding Blues

So I've moved again. I didn't go far, just across town actually. Bayou Shadows where I was staying before decided to raise the rent and the apartment just wasn't worth that much. Now don't get me wrong... that doesn't mean I didn't like Bayou Shadows. I did like it, the staff was usually very friendly and the grounds were pretty well kept so I really couldn't complain. However, it seems that they raise the rent every time there a lease renewal and that's 1 - not right and 2 - too much.

Anyhow everything is now an utter and complete mess from the move. I'm just happy that my Internet and TV are working so that I have something to do while I'm NOT unpacking and attempting to relax. If you know me well, I don't relax well when there are things to do. Trust me, there are things to do around here. It needs organization bad and I guess that means it's good that I'm an organization Nazi.

However, once everything is in it's place, the crazy cleaning madness stops and I go back to letting things get messy here and there before the next cleaning frenzy. I'm getting good at clearing special little paths for me to walk through so that I don't break my neck. You just start knowing you MUST go to the left of this box and to the right of the next box to get to the kitchen.

On the plus side all this cleaning and re-organizing has kept me distracted from the reality that I will not be getting married next Saturday, August 8, 2009 to Michael Eckhoff as previously planned. I really don't know what else to say about that. I won't say that I'm not okay or that I am for that matter. It's a mix of good memories from when we were doing all the wedding planning and feelings of sadness that it isn't going to happen. Not just that -- it can't happen. It's not physically possible. Ever. He's passed. I don't know how to describe it actually. It's hard to balance between being happy and in a new relationship and still being sad about Michael. It's not like having an ex-boyfriend where things "didn't work out." It's different and it's the hardest thing ever to explain. How can you miss someone you love and yet still feel like you're the happiest you've ever been with another?

It's so confusing sometimes but I'm working through it as I have been working through it before. I think it will be okay. No... I KNOW it will be okay. Just need to continue having faith, taking one day at a time and when in doubt, pray and ask God! He's my guide and seems like he's doing quite a fine job. Michael must have known that I've been stressing lately because today he sent me a rainbow from heaven when I was walking out of PetSmart this evening. :D