Oops, I try to make a habit of posting at least once at month but I seemed to have skipped September. There have been a whirlwind of emotions lately, maybe it's due to the changing seasons or passing of special dates...
August 8, 2009 - The date Michael and were supposed to be married. I was going to try and be so strong for myself and to celebrate the day with good memories of wedding planning with Michael but it didn't happen that way. Starting two days before I was just miserable. I hit rock bottom and was overwhelmed with so many feelings - anger, grief, loneliness... part of it was fueled by a falling out between some members of his family and I - on Facebook of all places. I don't really want to talk about it but some not so nice things were said. My feelings were taken and then used to hurt me and I guess I didn't really expect a different reaction from them but it still hurt a lot. So for the record, I don't love Kristopher more than Michael and I don't love Michael more than Kristopher. You can't compare; it's just not possible and I'm sorry that it's like that. Being with Kristopher doesn't make me miss Michael less. Kristopher does give me moments where I feel like I couldn't be happier but Michael gave me those too (ie. proposal in Las Vegas). Explaining matters of the heart are never easy and words don't always explain them correctly. Bottom line is that it's not a damn competition so anyone that views it as such is wrong...
August 28, 2009 - My anniversary date with Michael. This year was better than last but I still went into depressed mode for the day. I went out to eat and tried to stay out of the house but it just meant that I was mopey wherever I went. Definitely better than last year though.
(sometime after...) Marty moved in! Kristopher's cousin, Marty moved here from Los Angeles to join our happy home. Along with her she brought: Valentino (her dog), Baby (her cat) and her VW Bug! So it's getting a little crowded in here but the more things get put away and organized the better it gets. Oh and Sushi and V get along really well. Having all these females around is probably driving Kristopher insane but he'll get used to it... okay that's a lie he probably won't. (...but before)
September 1-15, 2009 - I went to New York for a visit. My sister had her engagement party on Labor Day weekend which was a bunch of fun. We didn't get to meet a ton of Peter's family since most of them weren't able to make it was still a great time. After the excitement of the party I mainly helped my mom out. I missed her so much! I spent time doing inventory on all her China and other knick knacks and boxing them. I also drove her to an eye doctor appointment since she has some blurriness going on in one of her eyes. (I think she's going to be fine so don't worry). Oh and we celebrated Grandma's 79th birthday! Also got some work done for PharmaNet while I was up there including playing chauffeur for my dad. It was a good time, but 15 days away from Kristopher, Sushi and Lucy was too much to bear, I couldn't wait to get back to Louisiana. I did visit Michael at the cemetery before I left - we had a great visit, I felt like he was comforting me that day in a warm sunny embrace - you know, the kind that makes your skin tingle and your eyes close.
Recently - I have been doing some freelance work for Alien Marketing. They specialize in website marketing and I wrote the content for one of their clients' website. Drill String Services, Inc. Although they didn't keep all of the copy I wrote, they kept most of it - www.drillstringservices.com. After that, Alien Marketing offered me a part-time Website Content Manager position. It's separate from my freelance work so now I have the best of both worlds from them. I work a minimum of 24 hours per week and the schedule is really flexible. So for now, while the work is slow I get to enjoy four-day weekends. It feels so good to be working again. I knew waiting for just the right opportunity was the best thing to do. All things happen for a reason.
Otherwise, life is okay. I'm getting by and things are getting better. I hit a rough patches here and there but who doesn't? The most important thing is that I keep going on even after tripping on the bumps in the road. Whenever I do get really down in the dumps I remember that the Lord is my strength. I remember the conversations Michael and I used to have about what we would want for each other (if we should ever have to live without each other). So, I get off my ass and continue living life for me and for him. After all, I promised him I would.