5.14.2010

May Flowers?


May used to be such a happy month for me. My birthday is in May, Mother's Day is in May and who doesn't like Memorial Day weekend? It's that time of year when it gets warm and flowers start blooming. Babies are born and life just seems to be created all around you. It's always been one of my favorite months and not just because of my birthday.

I hope to one day feel this way about the month of May again but for now, all it brings is pain. A reminder that someone that I love so dearly is no longer on this Earth and missed by not just me but tons of friends, family members, co-workers and of course, his son. I try to think positive; it's usually all I ever do but when May comes around it's so hard to find that comfort.

I know he is happy in the Lord's kingdom up in heaven and I have to make sure that I never forget that while I may hurt emotionally, he is free from physical pain and that it was God's will to take him at such a young age. I have to trust that it was meant to happen this way but admittedly it is hard. How can you just say it's okay with that empty feeling inside? Even though I smile and laugh and find comfort in Kristopher's love and understanding, how do you make the overall pain just go away? Kristopher says if it didn't hurt so much then something would be wrong and because it hurts so much, it means that I really love Michael and Michael loves me.

Thank you for all your support and well wishes. One day, flowers will bloom for me again in May.

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